Forever in the Night
by Seleen
Summary: She couldn't stop him. She didn't want to stop him. It was all so wrong. So why did it feel so right? She knows she can die. But it hurts too much to deal with. This is all she has left, now that he is gone.
1. Chapter 1

**No idea where this came from since I really have no time for it...

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**Leah**

"I'm not asking you to love me!" I cried, god damn it! What didn't he get about this? "I'm just asking you not to go!"

"You know I have no choice, I need to be where she is." He told me. It was the same line of crap he'd been feeding me from the beginning.

"Then tell her she needs to stay behind! They have to go, but she can stay. Just don't leave!" I begged, tears running down my face. He just looked at me, pity in his big, brown eyes.

"I can't make her live with out her family, its just cruel." Bullshit! He could and he knew it.

"Oh, you can live with out your family, but god forbid something upset that little bitch, even a little! You know its a fucked up situation. You know it is! God damn it! Snap out of your crazed imprint-induced obsession with Renesmee Cullen! She's barely four years old!" I was screaming now, completely hysterical. It was pathetic. _I _was pathetic. But I'm beyond caring now. It would kill me if he left with her.

"Fuck, Leah!" He punched the tree next to him, sending bits of wood flying around us. "I told you when we started this that there were no strings attached! What part of that didn't you understand?"

I just shook my head and cried silently. My long black hair fell around my face, covering it from his view. Sobs wracked my body, I felt my stomach heave. He didn't even try to help when I began puking, didn't make any motions to stop my hair from becoming coated with the contents of my stomach. Grabbing onto a stray limb from the tree, I steadied my self. Spitting out the remaining bile in my mouth, I looked up at him.

"Fine then. Go. But don't ever come back." My words were bitter and I didn't know if I could back them, but it felt good just to say it.

"Leah, I-"

"DON'T" I held up my hands and backed up. "You have nothing left to say to me. Your decision said it all."

"Leah, please. You know what I want. What we both want. We need it. One last time." His eyes pleaded with me, but I couldn't. No matter how much I wanted him, I couldn't.

"No, Jacob, enough is enough." I turned and had taken three steps when strong hands shoved me against a tree and his lips crashed down on mine. I pounded my fists against his chest, kicked him in the shins, and squirmed in vain attempts to get away. He was an alpha, I had no choice. I couldn't fight him. I stood as still as possible while he trailed kisses down my neck and his fingers crept under the hem of my dress, brushing against my most sensitive places. Places he used to own and love. But not anymore, this was more primal, more desperate. He growled and tore my dress off, nipping and sucking at my breasts. I remained motionless, showing no sign of how I felt. He bit down hard when he realized what I was doing.

"Fuck!" I yelled, out of both pleasure and pain. What was I thinking? He was leaving, I shouldn't enjoy this. But I did. Oh how I loved the feeling of his big, warm hands all over my body. My body was hot with need when he finally shoved me down onto the forest floor and entered me. We both cried out this time, but my cries were not ones of pleasure.

"Jacob, stop! Please I don't want this!" I screamed.

"You want this!" He growled at me, "You'll always want this, want _me_. Face it Leah, .me." With each word he became rougher, until I shrieked in time to his every thrust, begged him to stop every time he groped and bit me.

"I'll tell them! I swear to fucking god Jacob Black! I'll tell everyone!" I screamed, knowing it would only anger him more. His sharp slap caught my cheek before I had seen it coming.

"Listen you little bitch, you won't tell anyone. I'll make you alpha. You can rule over the whole pack, but keep your fucking mouth shut." He told me right before he let out a low groan, not bothering to pull out as he came. It didn't matter, I was barren.

Very calmly, he got up and put his shorts back on. He walked away without a word. Without his scent filling the air around me, I smelled the blood. I wasn't ready to deal with it. I would never be ready. Curling up in a ball, I wept.

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**So umm dark anyone? That's the first time I've ever written anything like that. It probably has to do with all the bad stuff going on in my life right now. I don't know why I decided to have Jake rape Leah, nor do I have a clue where I am going with this... but I hope you liked it even though it was totally twisted. Reviews are love!-**

**Selene**


	2. Breathe No More

**This SHOULD have gone up yesterday, but stupid tehcnical difficulties prevented that...**

***I DO NOT OWN THE SONG "BREATHE NO MORE"! It belongs to the amazing band Evanescence.*

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**Leah**

I don't know how long I lay there. It could have been minutes, it could have been days. Curled in a ball on the forest floor, I wept, unable to believe that a man I had known and loved for years was capable of such a horrible thing.

_Rape._

The word ran coldly through my mind, like a broken record constantly repeating. All I could think was, I was just raped. Raped by the man I loved before he ran off to spend the rest of his happy life with his lovely bloodsucking imprint and her family of equally disgusting parasites. The tears had stopped long ago, probably because I had nothing left to cry. The only thing that remained now were the small whimpers and the shaking. I felt cold, so cold. But I didn't care enough to fix it. Why should I? No one was left now. My dad was gone, my mom ignorant. And the last person I thought could really care for me had been the one to leave me in this bloody, broken state. So did it matter if I was cold? The world was cold too. We went together perfectly, and yet the only thing I wanted now was to leave this place.

It wasn't until the moon had risen high in the night sky that I began to feel it. The disgust, the hatred. But it wasn't at Jacob or the Cullens. It was at myself. I was dirty and disgusting. I could feel it in my every pore. Sitting up, I wiped my hands down my arms, trying to get rid of the repulsive feeling. I wiped and wiped until I realized that it wasn't working. Raking my nails across my skin, I attempted to remove the filth. I scratched until I bled, but I didn't care. I needed to get rid of this feeling! The disgust surged through me and screamed in frustration, unable to shake the feeling. I scraped and wiped at my skin desperately, scratching myself raw and bloody, gasps escaping my lips every time I broke through and began to bleed. The feeling was spreading, I couldn't stop it! Soon it was everywhere. My legs, arms, stomach, and face. I screamed again, ripping into myself one last time before I got up and ran towards my house. A shower. Yes, a shower would fix this, make this foulness go away. As I ran, I couldn't help but swipe frantically at myself, trying to rid myself of the terrible feeling. I reached my hand to my leg, dragging my hand across, my thigh and lost my balance. Tumbling to the ground, I cried out when I felt my wrist snap.

Cradling my arm, I lay there staring at the lights in the distance, trying to understand what they were.

_**I've been looking in the mirror for so long.**_

_**That I've come to believe my soul's on the other side.**_

_**All the little pieces falling, shatter.**_

_**Shards of me,**_

_**Too sharp to put back together.**_

_**Too small to matter,**_

_**But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces.**_

_**If I try to touch her,**_

_**And I bleed,**_

_**I bleed,**_

_**And I breathe,**_

_**I breathe no more.**_

A house, I realized. My house.

"Seth!" I yelled, hoping he would hear me though my voice was hoarse from screaming. "SETH! QUIL! EMBRY! Someone." My voice cracked on the last word. No one was listening. No one was coming. They didn't care. I hated Jacob. He did this to me. All because of his precious imprint. It was disgusting. But he would not beat me. I tried to stand, but I was too dizzy. The world spun around my and I was falling...

_**Take a breath and I try to draw from my spirits well.**_

_**Yet again you refuse to drink like a stubborn child.**_

_**Lie to me,**_

_**Convince me that I've been sick forever.**_

_**And all of this,**_

_**Will make sense when I get better.**_

_**But I know the difference,**_

_**Between myself and my reflection.**_

_**I just can't help but to wonder,**_

_**Which of us do you love.**_

_**So I bleed,**_

_**I bleed,**_

_**And I breathe,**_

_**I breathe no...**_

_**Bleed,**_

_**I bleed,**_

_**And I breathe,**_

_**I breathe,**_

_**I breathe-**_

_**I breathe no more.

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**Jared**

_"Wait, Sam I think I have something!" I said, sniffing the ground more closely. Embry followed behind me, calling for Leah. No one had seen her in hours. Sam had finally decided enough was enough and organized a search party. Her scent grew stronger and I followed it to a tree that looked like it had taken a beating. Another scent mingled with hers. Jacobs. "Oh god, Sam, I've definitely got something... its her scent and someone else's." _

_"Whose?" Sam snapped. _

_"...Jacob's. Man, this doesn't look good. Their scents are all over the place and there's blood." From the way it smelled, they had had sex. But then how did you explain the blood? Jacob would never hurt Leah. The evidence wasn't in his favor though, and Sam seemed to believe he would. _

_"I'll fucking kill that son of a bitch! He raped her! As if abandoning his pack and family wasn't bad enough, he raped his fucking beta. Damn it people! Let's go we need her found, she's probably hurt." He commanded everyone. I barked at Embry, signaling for him to yell Leah's name. _

_"LEAH! Where are you? We're not gonna hurt you, we just want to help." He yelled, running to keep up with me as I tracked the scent. She had lain here a while then gotten up and walked or run. Run, by the looks of the prints. _

_"It lookes like she was headed towards her house, but I'm guessing she never made it there since we checked already. She's gotta be close by though." I told everyone. Ignoring their comments and Embry's protests, I race forward, following the scent like a bloodhound till I found her. "Holy fucking god..."_

_"Everyone to Jared NOW!" Sam ordered, racing towards him. Leah was curled up on the forest floor like a child, barely fifty yards from her house. But she couldn't have made it there in her condition. Scratches and bruises coated every inch of her skin and she was caked with blood and dirt. Her wrist was broken, the bone portruding gruesomely. Her body was clearly trying to heal itself, but even with her wolf genes, she just didn't have the strength. _

I phased and put my shorts on. Dropping to my knees beside Leah, I draped my shirt over her. She was naked. Another bad sign. I didn't know if I should touch her or not, she might have more broken bones that I couldn't see. There were gasps and exclamations as the pack arrived. Even Paul looked concerned. I couldn't blame him. Here was his long time enemy, bruised, broken, and possibly even raped, lying in front of him while her little brother just stared on, frozen with shock. I'd be upset too. I was upset. This was Leah. The only female to ever exist in their pack. He had a strange desire to protect her, and avenge her. Sort of like with Kim, except not as strong. Apparently he wasn't the only one because when Sam went to lift her up, snarls broke out and he was blocked. Then it hit him.

"Holy shit. She's alpha. Jacob made her alpha of all the packs." I said, of course he would. There was no way Jacob would let Sam stay in charge.

"Alright guys, I get that she's your alpha and you want to protect her now, but we need to get her out of here. She's seriously injured and we need to set her wrist. We also need to figure out how the hell this happened." Sam said, clearly shaken that he was no longer alpha, but still willing to do what he needed to. Bending down, he genty lifted Leah up and carried her towards her house.

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**Leah**

I was warm again. Almost too warm, compared the horrid coldness I had felt before. Opening my eyes, I found myself in my room, surrounded by half naked boys. Any girls dream. Unless, of course, she knew what immature asses these half naked boys were.

"Lee Lee, thank god you're awake." Sam said, smiling down at her. I was confused. Why was Sam here? What were they doing standing around my bed?

"Oh god, please tell me you all haven't gone Edward style and are gonna start watching me sleep. Cause that's really fuckin' creepy!" I groaned, becoming more confused when no one even cracked a smile. "Shit, what happened? Why is everyone so... serious?"

"Leah, what happened to you?" Seth asked me.

"What do you mean? I've been asleep right?"

"No, we found you two days ago. Unconscious and bloody in the forest. What the fuck happened?" Paul growled at me. Since when did he care?

Then it hit me. Like a movie being played backwards, the last three days re-winded in a horrible flashback. Falling, running, scratching, crying, screaming, begging. Begging for Jacob to stop. Jacob raping me.

"Oh my god. Oh my god!" I moaned, feeling the hurt and confusion all over again.

"Leah, please tell us what happened with you and Jacob. Did he hurt you?" Sam questioned me.

"No! No no no no! Nothing happened!" I yelled, covering my face with my hands and shaking my head.

"We know something happened! Just tell us, we're not going to hurt you but shit, we were so damn worried! Jared found your fucking scent mixed with Jacob's along with blood! Now damn it, you will tell us!" Sam shouted, his face turning red.

"No! Get the fuck out! I don't want to talk about it! You can't make me! Leave, go get out! All of you. LEAVE!" I shrieked, jumping from the bed, punching and kicking what ever I could reach.

"Leah you need to talk about this!" Seth said, looking like he was going to cry.

"No, I don't! Its none of your fucking business now get the hell out! GO! NOW! .!" I screamed, enunciating each word. They all filed out, one by one with stricken looks on their faces. Once they were gone, I slammed the door and collapsed on the bed, sobbing.

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**This was for DarkAngelz200 who turned 15 yesterday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BEST FANFIC FRIEND! Forget reviewing this story, go PM and review her wishing her a happy birthday!-**

**Selene**


	3. I Hate Everything About You

When I finally woke up, my eyes felt dry and scratchy from tears. I was still wearing, well, nothing. Clearly my pack mates believed in yelling at me to get the story, but not protecting my modesty. But then, I'd lost any modesty I'd had long ago. Phasing uncontrollably isn't exactly a good way to keep horny teenage boys from seeing you naked. There was a split second, right before you became full wolf, that after your clothes shredded, you were standing there naked and shaking. And that split second, that little, tiny glimpse, was all the material they needed. Disgusting. Grabbing a big t-shirt and some shorts from my dresser, I wrapped the sheet from my bed around me and made my way to the shower, wincing at the still lingering pain between my legs. Apparently, wolf healing healed rape wounds about as fast as a crushed bone. Lovely.

Walking into the bathroom, I caught a reflection of myself in the mirror. I paused mid-step, turning to look at myself. My medium length black hair was tangled and filthy, my eyes red and puffy. Blood was smeared in various places. Tears tracks could be seen on my dirt smeared face. Raising my fist, I slammed it into the disgusting image.

Glass shattered.

Pain exploded in my hand.

Blood ran down my arm.

I smiled.

This, this felt good. I stared at my bloody fist in wonder. I barely felt the pain that would have caused me tears yesterday. Of course I wouldn't feel this. Small slices and cuts were nothing next to the physical and emotional pain Jacob Black had caused me. Jacob. His name ran through my mind over and over again. Where was he? How was he? Did he feel guilty? He should. I hate him.

But no. I could never hate him. Not my Jacob. Yes, my Jacob. He is mine. I don't care who he imprinted on. He chose me, loves me. We made love yesterday in the forest. Yes, that was it. What was everyone freaking out about? So Jacob and I had goodbye sex and it got a little rough. Nothing serious or crazy. No big deal. I'm fine. Perfectly okay. Nodding my head and smiling, I proceeded with my shower. As the blood and dirt washed down the drain, I smiled. I would remember yesterday forever. It was a damn shame that Jacob had imprinted, but I understand. He can't help it and there is no fighting an imprint. Sam proved that to me long ago and there was no doubt in my mind that if Jacob could fight for me he would. He loved me.

I don't understand how he does though. He is amazing. Perfect, full lips, shining black hair perfect for running your fingers through, and warm, brown eyes. A winning personality. And then there was me. Ugly. Bitter. Bitchy. Unworthy of someone so wonderful. Yanking on my t-shirt and shorts, I was ensured I stepped on the broken mirror pieces, harshly punishing myself for being so horrible. It made no sense that he would love me. But he did. I sighed, life would be so boring from now on. I was alpha. I had control of the whole pack. I could feel them, they were here. Sitting in my living room. Smiling, I walked into the room.

"Morning boys. You better have left me some food or I'll beat your sorry asses. No, wait. I'll alpha order you to beat _each others_ sorry asses," Chuckling, I walked to the fridge and pulled out eggs, cheese, and butter. I could feel there eyes on me. "You know, no matter how much you glare at me, I won't combust. I'm alpha now. Deal with it." As soon as my eggs were scrambled and on a plate topped with cheese, I turned to face them, "Look, I know this will be hard to adjust to, but none of you have a choice and I promise to be fair when deciding who my second is. So I think I'l-" I stopped my little speech abruptly. "What's with the weird looks?"

"Leah..." Seth said, looking horrified.

"What little brother? Spit it out!" I snapped, getting irritated. These fuckers were ruining my good mood.

"Um...Alright... Do you not remember anything? Like what happened with Jacob?" He asked nervously.

"Yeah. Trust me, I do. And you all need to chillax, just cause I like it a little rough and asked from more then I could handle, doesn't mean you guys get to jump all over my case." Everyone gasped. "Real dramatic guys. Synchronized gasps. Just lovely. Get the fuck out of my house."

"Leah!" I turned to Sam, "You're in denial. Its okay. We understand, but you need to realize that acceptance is the first step towards recovery and-" My laughter made him stop short.

"Sammy, Sammy, Sammy... you sound like one of those goddamn self help books! You've been watching to much Oprah lately. Don't worry, I'll tell Emily about your strange little addiction and we'll get you some help," Resting my hand on his shoulder, I fought to keep a straight face, "Together we can find a cure."

"Damn it! Sam's not the one who needs help!" Jared shouted.

"Whoah, down boy!" I yelled, throwing up my hands. God, they're all innocent virgins! "Look, I had sex, big deal! I'm 22! Its not like it was my first. Sam, you of all people should know that!"

"It wasn't sex! It was r-"

"Seth Harry Clearwater, if you say it was raped I will kick you out of the pack and order you never to phase again. Now, I'm going to patrol since none of you morons thought it was necessary to send someone out. News Flash! We don't have the energizer-bunny-pixie-seer to warn us anymore. We're on our own without the lovely leeches!"

I ran out, ignoring there yells.

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**Song for this one: 3 Days Grace: I hate Everything About you. **

**I own nothing! **

**Kinda pointless, but this is my venting story. I'm using personal experience and feelings for this one. So it might be kind of crazy. And yes, Leah is totally losing it. Thanks for reading! I really hate to be the writer that begs for reviews but... please please please? With a pack of sexy wolf boys on top?-**

**Selene.**


	4. The Last Night

**The Last Night

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_(Two weeks later)_

"Damn it! I can't take a piss with out you people watching me!" I yelled in frustration. This was the third time I'd caught someone following me on my patrol. "If Sam think I've been, I don't know, compromised or something, then why doesn't he tell the council and have them order me to stay at home? I'd rather be there anyway."

"Doing what?" Paul snapped at me, furious that he had been caught and would be bitched out by Sam for fucking up.

_Serves you right, you stupid fucker._

Sam wasn't even alpha! I am. And people needed to understand that. My Jacob had made me alpha until he returned and when he did, I would be his alpha female and we would guard La Push together. Feeling Paul's mental eye roll and cringing, I snapped at him with my teeth.

"Paul, go home!" I ordered, "You will NEVER follow me on my patrol again, and you will not tell anyone that I know I'm being followed." I wanted to catch them each in the act until I finally caught Sam. He was a real bastard, thinking he had any control over me. Acting like I was fragile, like I needed to be watched when really all the problem was is that he is jealous. He didn't think I could move on and I did. Well fuck you, Sam Uley, Jacob is much bigger and more skilled anyways. Smiling, I phased, not bothering to wait for the next patrol to arrive. There hadn't been a bloodsucker sighting or scenting in weeks. No one noticed little old Forks and La Push now that the Cullen's and their spawn had left. And taken My Jacob with them.

I hated them for it. Many said I should blame Jacob as easily as I blame Sam, but I don't. Renesmee isn't my cousin and I didn't walk in on them fucking in my bed. Or my old bed anyway. I had since gotten a new one because my other one had mysteriously caught on fire and had gone flying off a cliff seconds later. No idea who would do such a thing...

As far as I was concerned, Sam should be castrated for screwing my cousin in my bed. Not to mention all the times he had purposely rubbed Emily and their nauseating love in my face to get me to be quiet and stop challenging him. When he was alpha, he had been so damn rude and cocky. I had practically sang with joy when Jacob's balls had finally dropped and he knocked Sam off his high horse and took control.

My thoughts stopped abruptly. I was here.

I had been coming to this spot for weeks now, simply to sit here and remember that fateful night. The last night I had seen Jacob, and the first night of my friends and family's madness. They were crazy, all of them. Constantly watching me like I was going to knife myself or something. Of course, I had been knifing myself on occasion, but I was a shape shifter, I healed fast. Apparently that made twice as been in Seth's book, shown by him dragging me to my mother when he caught me in the act one time.

_"Mom!" Seth screamed, "Get up here! Hurry Leah's bleeding really badly!" _

_"Its not that bad Seth-y" I mumbled, "It'll heal. Now shut your yap little bro, I'm having my me time." My head was spinning, swirling. The world was been shown in a new perspective. Things moved slower and were shown clearer. I smiled, Seth was overreacting, I was okay. I laughed out loud when my mother appeared at the top of the stairs and screeched when she saw me. "Mom, chill out. Its no big deal, see." I pinched the side of one of the cuts together, causing it to knit together faster. "See, its fine. I heal fast enough." I frowned, "You made me ruin it. Why would you do that?" I placed the knife on mt skin and ripped it across my wrist, giggling at the sensations. "All better. I think its kinda pretty, don't you Mama?" But Mama didn't agree with me._

_"I'm calling Sam!" She shrieked, giving Seth instructions as she dashed to get the phone."Get some bandages, peroxide, and some warm wash cloths! Clean and bandage her up before she bleeds out. And for the love of god, get that goddamn knife away from her before she hits something important!" Seth ran forward and snatched the knife from me just as I finished dragging it across my thigh, creating a deep gash that immediately spurted blood everywhere. _

_"Oops, too late!" I giggled as my head began to spin. This was perfect. Better then weed, which I had tried in my younger years. Weed! A perfect idea. I'd have to get some, along with a bong and pipe. I was in the middle of making more plans in my head when I passed out. _

_A stinging slap brought me back to reality. I flailed around, trying to hit who ever had smacked me. Strong hands pinned my hands to the ground in an iron grip._

_"Jacob?" I whispered hopefully, but the voice that was talking to me and the arms that were wrapped around me were not those of my Jacob._

_"Leah, thank god you're okay. We thought we had lost you for a second there." Sam was saying as he hugged me tightly to him._

_"Actually Sam, I'm not okay. No one would be okay, waking up in your filthy arms. Get off of me!" I yelled, who the hell did he think he was? He had NO right to touch me. Where was that fucking peroxide? I could have a major infection by now. My leg shot up, hitting him in the balls._

_"Damn it Leah! You're an ungrateful little bitch, you know that? You almost just died. DIED Leah. When will it get through your head, you need help!" _

_"Bullshit!I'm fine, or at least I was until you all interrupted. Why can't you all just leave me alone?" I was so sick of their shit. They needed to leave me alone, if I said I was okay, I was okay and they should all learn to fuck off. _

_"Leah, honey please. Tell me what's going on. I can help!" My mother told me tearfully. I almost felt bad. First my dad, now this. But no, this wasn't a problem and they needed to realize that. When I refused to answer her, she turned to Sam, "Sam, please tell me what's-"_

_I cut her off, speaking sharply to Sam and Seth, "Neither of you are to tell her or anyone else anything. Is that clear?" _

_They nodded mutely, eyes wide with horror. _

I remember the look they gave me very clearly. They thought I was crazy, but I wasn't. I was fine. Completely and totally fine.

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**Recommended song for this chapter: "The Last Night" by Skillet.**

**I own nothing!

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**

**Okay, so Leahs nuts... I hope you all caught that. Time and date in this is going to be a little screwed up to represent Leah's madness. The more she convinces herself she's normal and everyone around her is crazy and she and Jacob will one day be together, the more confused she becomes. She is essentially losing sense of any reality. Hmm... on that happy note, I'll leave you all to think, thanks for reading, please review and let me know what you think.-**

**Selene. **


	5. Last Resort

The next three months passed in a blur. I developed a routine over time. Get up, shower, slice myself with a razor, buy a bottle of vodka, and then do my patrol. And any time I wasn't doing that, I was either cliff diving, or sleeping. Cliff diving was the perfect escape. When ever I felt like I was losing control, I'd run to the nearest cliff and jump. As I fell, I'd tell myself, _look Leah, this is how it feels to REALLY lose control. _But the best part was when I slammed into the water and I knew I was in control again. It was the only way to hold myself together, to stay in control.

The only aspect of my life that I couldn't control was my thoughts of Jacob. I just couldn't forget my beloved alpha, no matter how hard I tried. He would come for me, I knew he would. That didn't make the wait any easier. Tossing and turning at night, I dreamt of him and our time together...

_"Jacob! Stop, you know I'm ticklish!" I yelled as Jacob's warm hands tickled my stomach. I laughed like a maniac, begging him to stop, but loving every second of it. _

_"I don't think you want me to stop." The feel of his touch changed, where once he playfully tickled, he now gently caressed. It was heaven on earth, laying on the cool forest floor, with Jacob touching me, nothing could be better. _

_Slowly, oh so slowly, he bent and pressed his lips to mine._

The dream shattered at the gentlest pressure of his lips, and I jerked awake, gasping for air.

"Fuck!" I screamed, frustrated at my own stupidity. I needed to stop thinking about him. Reaching under my bed, I grabbed one of my many bottles of vodka and walked out of my room. I checked on Seth, making sure he was asleep before I slipped out of the house. I opened the bottle and took a huge gulp, smiling at the tingling sensation I had become so accustomed to. I walked along the familiar path to the cliff. I drank my vodka, hoping to finish it before I reached the cliff. It wasn't dawn yet, so no one was awake and no one could see Crazy Leah Clearwater, off for another jump off the cliff. It was scary that my actions resembled that of Bella's when Edward had left her, but there was one huge difference. I was a shape shifter, and would heal. Not to mention I could actually walk across a flat surface with falling. It was windy out, the gusts blowing my shoulder length hair in all directions. I barely even noticed when the first drops of rain hit me.

Stepping up to the edge of the cliff, I lowered the now empty bottle to the ground. This was reckless and stupid. It was pouring and windy as hell. But I was going to jump anyway. Taking a few steps back, I prepared to jump. I ran and screamed wildly when my I became airborne.

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**Seth**

When Leah looked in my door, I steadied my breathing and stayed as still as possible. As soon as she was gone, I jumped up and followed her. Something was off. She NEVER went out at night. She was prone to nightmares, but usually woke up, punched a hole in the wall, and went back to sleep. I walked along the path silently, grimacing when it started raining. Leah walked ahead of me, mumbling to herself and chugging her vodka down as fast as she could.

My sister had gone crazy. She was going to jump off the cliff in a storm, Bella-style. My proof? Leah Clearwater would never do something that Bella did. She hated the girl, called her a pathetic, whiny, bitch constantly. But she was still my sister and I was not going to let her die.

But I was too late. She let out a wild scream as she fell. My scream of horror echoed her scream of wild abandon. I tore down the path to the bottom of the cliff, reaching the bottom just in time to see her body hit the water. And in plenty of time to see the waves slam her into the rocks. I didn't even think when I dived into the water and swam towards her.

"Leah!" my scream was lost in the sound of crashing waves. I thrashed against the rushing water, carefully avoiding being thrown into the rocks myself. Something warm brushed against my leg, so quickly and lightly that I wondered if it had actually been there. Ignoring my doubts, I ducked under water and looked around. The salt stung my eyes and I had to fight to keep them open. I tangle of black caught my eye. I swam down towards Leah, but the current kept carrying her away from me. Screaming obscenities in my head, I moved desperately against the water and finally, I grabbed ahold of Leah's arm and swam towards the surface. When I broke through, I sucked as much air in as I could before lowering my head back into the water and moving as fast as I could towards the shore, which we had gotten farther and farther away from as I tried to catch Leah.

When I finally reached the shore, I dragged her up the beach and turned her over. Slapping her on the back, I frantically tried to get the water out of her lungs.

"Dammit Leah! You're so fucking stupid!" I yelled, slapping her on the back over and over again as more and more water drained from her body. "Wake up! WAKE THE FUCK UP! You're my sister, you're not allowed to fucking die!" In the back of my mind, I heard the howl, but I didn't comprehend what it meant, until Paul was suddenly there.

"Seth! SETH!" He roared, "What the fuck happened man? Shit, cut that out before you break her spine!" He pulled Leah from me and turned her on her back. He began to push on her chest, "Seth, I know you're freaking out, but I need you to blow air into her mouth, she'll kill me if I do it! And I need to focus on doing this with out breaking her ribs." Numbly, I nodded my head and blew air into her blue lips. Her chest moved up, but she gave no reaction.

"Breathe goddamn it! BREATHE!"

Voices. Sam. Jared. Embry. Quil. The whole pack was here, trying to revive Leah. When she finally gave a sputtering cough, and water flew from her mouth and nose, I could have cried in relief.

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**Leah**

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

What the fuck is with that beeping noise?

"Its just the heart monitor Leah. Calm down."

"What the fuck?" Dr. Carlisle Cullen stood over me, an amused smile on his too-pale face. "I thought you and the rest of you're Popsicles left?"

"Sam called me. He said you had been hurt and can't go to a normal hospital because of your abilities." He told me in a very matter-of-fact tone. "You have three cracked ribs, a skull fracture and you snapped your femur. On top of various gashes, scratches, and bruises that cover your body. You're healing quickly as you should, but you will be in bed for a few days. What on earth were you thinking?"

"I-I guess I wasn't thinking." I stuttered, shocked by how concerned he looked.

"Clearly, you're blood-alcohol content was way above legal levels. It seems you've been perpetually drunk for quite some time."

"Its no one else fucking business if I drink or not. I'm old enough." I snarled, sick of people getting on me just because I liked to drink.

"Well Leah, I'm afraid the drinking will have to stop." He said.

"Who the fuck do you think you are? What I do is none of your business so why don't you just go slaughter bambi and his mom, okay bloodsucker?" I screamed.

"Maybe I'll just leave it to your mother to explain things." He walked out.

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**CLIFFHANGER! Muahaha! I'm sick and miserable as hell. And there is definitely no way I could evilly laugh at you all since my voice is like, GONE! Haha I hope you liked it, thanks for reading, please review! Please feel free to ask questions or offer criticism.-**

**Selene.**


	6. You Won't Know

"Leah you're pregnant." My mothers words rang in my ears. Pregnant. How could that be possible? I was a genetic dead end. Unable to be a mother because of my heritage. And now I was supposedly having a baby? No way in fucking hell could that be true. This was all some cruel joke, payback for scaring everyone the way I did. A trick to make me stop drinking.

"Leah!"

They were liars, all of them. If I was pregnant, there was only one persons it could be. Jacob's. But Jacob had been living with the Cullen's. I'm sure Carlisle was giving them regular updates and they all knew by now that I was 'pregnant'. If I was pregnant, Jacob would know it was his. He would come for me, sooner then he thought. And he wasn't here. Which meant they were lying.

"Leah! Can you hear me?" My mother's voice sounded panicked.

"Oh, I can hear you all right. But you don't seem to be making since." I told her. She was caught. She had to have known when she came up with this pathetic lie that I wouldn't believe a word of it.

"Leah, the test showed it. You're pregnant. Who is the father? I didn't even know you were seeing anyone!"

"That's because she isn't." Sam's voice came from the doorway, deadly and quiet. He continued in the same dark voice, "This wasn't planned on. She didn't even sleep with the guy. Or not willingly."

"What?" My mom's eyes were wide and glassy looking. She looked like she had just escaped a psyche ward. "What are you talking about? Leah, what is he talking about?"

"Some of the more reclusive legends say that a female is rare, but not unheard of. And she is there for one purpose. To mate with the Alpha. I guess they didn't take imprinting into consideration back then." Sam said, he didn't seem to care that he was horrifying my mother.

"Sam, shut up and get out! You don't even know what you're talking about!" I yelled at him, ready to defend Jacob at any cost.

"I don't know what I'm talking about? Leah, the night Jacob left, we found you bleeding and unconscious on the forest floor. It was obvious what had happened."

"Jacob did this?" Mom shrieked, "What did he do? Did he hurt her?"

"Jacob raped her."

"I'll kill him! I'LL KILL HIM! How could he do that to her? How could he rape my baby?" She was screaming, incoherent. I felt numb, unable to move. I couldn't speak. Couldn't breathe.

Sounds, images, flashed through my mind.

_Hot breath on my neck._

_Sharp pain between my legs._

_Low grunts and pants._

_Running...Running...Falling..._

I screamed. My mom screamed. Footsteps pounded through the house.

"Where is he? Where's the little bastard that hurt my Leah? I'll KILL him!" Mom screamed and fought against restraining hands. I couldn't take it. The screams, the yells, and the fighting. In the background, there was Carlisle, ever the picture of perfect serenity as he stepped forward, a needle in hand, and injected it into my mother's arm. Within seconds she was out.

I was up off the bed and jumping on him the minute her eyes closed. "What did you do to her? What the hell just happened! What was in that needle?"

I was ripped off of Carlisle and hurled harshly onto the bed. The slap that hit me wasn't meant to cause damage, just meant to give me a moments clarity. Sam was standing over me, Seth and Embry next to him. Carlisle was brushing himself off. I stood up, hands on hips, and glared at them all

"It was a sedative that I gave her. She was hysterical. She might have hurt herself." My hard stare wavered, "I'm sorry if I upset you."

Too much. All too much. I backed towards the window, shaking my head, trying to clear my suddenly blurry vision. "It wasn't..." I clutched a hand to my chest, trying to soothe the ache. "He didn't... He can't have..." I twined my other hand through my hair cruelly, trying to use the pain as a lifeline. "It wasn't...it...not..._rape."_ I finally managed to gently gasp the last word, my eyebrows pulling together as tears welled up in my eyes. I was so confused. Jacob didn't rape me, did he? I wanted him, I'd always want my Jacob! "No no no no no NO!" It barely registered in my mind that I was crying, screaming, just absolutely hysterical. "I... just.. no." I choked out, hating the pity in all their eyes. Everyone was there, Sam and Embry by my mom's unconscious form, and the rest of the pack by the door.

I don't know how long we all stood there, just staring at each other. Eventually, I had to move. Stepping forward in my numb haze, I pushed past everyone and stumbled out the door, not even noticing where I had been. "Gotta go...have to just move. Need to get out of here!" No one was listening, but I didn't care. Some rational part of my mind knew that what I was doing was stupid, but everything else held no emotion. It was dull, empty. The world was a hazy place, the trees moving past me little more then green and brown blurs. Finally, I hit sand. Staggering towards the crashing waves, I sank down to my knees and allowed myself to feel. Tears streamed down my face, my chest ached and my stomach burned. I wanted to die. But it wasn't just about me any more. Laying down, I buried my hands in the cool sand and drifted to sleep.

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**Song Recommendation(s): "You Won't Know" by Brand New. The song had the perfect mood for the story, the way the song went made it seem like the song was just meant for this story.**

**I have been waiting to update this for days! Stupid site...not letting me update..  
**

**Only three people managed to guess she was pregnant, I found that quite shocking haha. This story is so dark and I like it that way, but it will eventually lighten up. However, there will always be a seriously dark element to it. Leah will have to come to terms with her rape and care for her unborn child. And then Jacob will eventually make a reappearance. Ohhh the drama that shall ensue when **_**that**_** particular event takes place. Well, thanks for reading, please review-**

**Seleen.**


	7. Tabula Rosa The Blank State

**I should be writing my childrens story for my Language Arts class... but I'd rather write this ;D**

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**Leah**

When I woke up, it was not to the sound of crashing waves. It was to the sound of Seth banging on my bedroom door.

"Leah, time to get up! Its nearly noon!" I put my pillow over my head, determined to ignore him. "I've got food!"

That got my attention. Stumbling to the door, I yanked it open and looked at him with tired eyes. And couldn't help the smile that spread slowly across my face. In my baby brother's hands was an overloaded tray of breakfast goodies.

"Good morning, or afternoon really." He said with a bright grin. He swept past me and set the tray on my bed. Going to the window, he gently eased the curtains open to let in the bright afternoon sunlight, "Its stifling in here." He pulled the window open, letting in a cool breeze that ruffled the curtains and smelt like the ocean mixed with the damp forest scent.

"How...How did I get here?" I asked. Seth seemed perfectly normal. Too normal considering recent events.

"Sam followed you, he carried you back when you passed out."

Of course it was Sam. It had always been Sam. Until it was Jacob. Tears filled my eyes and my throat tightened. Blinking profusely, I turned to Seth. I put on a bright smiling.

"Well come on then, you didn't really think I could eat all of this myself, did you? Dig in!"

"Actually... I made this much because you're um...well...you're feeding for two." He said, looking down at the floor.

A slight pang went through me. Of course Seth would be that considerate.

And of course. Jacob's child was growing within me and nothing would change that. An abortion would, but I would never, ever do that.

"Well, I think I can spare some."

"Leah..."

"Oh come on Sethie, there are, what? 15 pancakes and 4 packs of bacon on there? Have breakfast with me." I was practically begging. God, what was wrong with me? I had a deep, desperate need to be with someone right now. "I don't want to be alone right now..."

"Actually, its 25 pancakes and 3 and 1/2 packs of bacon. I kinda ate 1/2 of one of the packs." He grinned at me sheepishly, clearly trying to lighten the mood.

We took opposite sides of the tray on my bed and started shoveling food into our mouths in typical shape shifter fashion. Holy hell, the kid was a life saver.

"So there was a pack meeting this morning." Food spewed from my mouth.

"What? Why didn't anyone wake me?"

"No one had the balls to wake you up at 7:30 in the morning!" I grinned, that made sense. "Anyway, its been decided that you shouldn't phase, don't give me that look. Shut up and hear me out. Despite Sam's discoveries, there is still very little known about female shifters. We thought it would be best if you didn't phase until you had the baby. We're just thinking about your health right now." His eyes begged me to listen to reason. Oddly enough, I didn't have any protests. I loved my wolf form, but it reminded me of Jacob too much.

"Alright, I won't phase, but I also won't sit around and do nothing while I get fatter and fatter. Living in mom's house isn't an option. I won't burden her with my child. Dad left us money in separate trust funds. Today, I'll go to the bank and get the money. Tomorrow, after I've gone job and house hunting, I'll meet with the pack. Someone needs to be Alpha when I can't be."

"Are you sure?" He looked worried. "I mean come on Leah, just a few days ago you were trying to drink yourself to death and jumping off cliffs. Don't you think you're rushing it a little bit? What if you lose your motivation?"

My entire body had gone cold. Who was this boy, this man, that I had once called my baby brother? Not a baby anymore. I was proud of him for being so smart and having the balls to come and tell me all of this, even if he softened me up with food first. But my pride wouldn't let me tell him that, not after he basically called me incapable.

"You listen hear, Seth Clearwater. The _only_ way I will lose my motivation is if lose this child. And that _will not_ happen. So tomorrow, I _will _begin to clean up this mess I've made. And to hell with anyone who tries to stop me. Including you. Understand?"

"I think so. And I promise, Leah, I will be here to help you through this. I promise."

"Thanks Seth, it really means a lot to me." And it did. I watched in silence as he picked up the tray. Before he left, he turned to me again, "Oh, and Leah? One more thing. This is Jacob's mess, not your's."

I nodded, looking anywhere but at him. When I finally heard him start to walk down the stairs, I let the tears fall freely.

**Seth: **

"Alright, but she wants to talk to everyone tomorrow." Over the phone, I heard Sam sigh. I was supposed to call him the second Leah woke up, but instead I had talked to her myself. if she had woken up and Sam had been here, she would have gone crazy.

"Its fine, I'll get everyone together at around 6 okay? Right now, I'd do anything she wanted if I knew it meant she'd be okay." I understand. After seeing how she had been for the last few months, I'm sure we all would. "But still, you've been pretty vague. How is she?"

"Honestly, vague is how I would describe her. She isn't acting like much of anything right now. It seemed like the only real emotion she showed was when she nearly cried. Its scary, she's like blank right now. Her eyes are dull. There's no emotion in them. Every word that comes out of her mouth is totally reasonable. Its like she's lost her fire. She didn't even protest when I said she couldn't phase."

Sam sighed again. "It sounds like she's in a blank state or she's trying to hide her emotions from you. Either way, you need to keep a close eye on her."

I rolled my eyes. Sam was always stating the obvious. "Will do. Have everyone here at five, not six. Me and Leah will make dinner."

"Is she okay to do that? What if she over exerts herself?" I would have called him an idiot if the concern in his voice so obvious.

"She'll be fine. She needs to stay active, not laze around. That will give her too much time to think. Plus, I'll keep her close to me. Believe me, Sam, she'll be fine. Bye." I hung up before he could get another word in. Leaning against the wall with my head in my hands, I sighed.

The next few days wouldn't be easy.

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**Thanks for reading! The next chapter should be up soon, since I already have it written in my notebook. I just have to type it up and then I'll post it. Please review- **

**Seleen. **


	8. Pack Meeting

**Okay, so I know I promised this chapter forever ago, but I've been dealing with a lot of shit on top of all my other stories. I've started writing a lot for Harry Potter, specifically in the Dramione area. I also have a Ginny/Blaise story, so that's been hard to keep up with as well. Anyway, about this story. I had this chapter all written out, but after reading it over I decided it was all wrong. It didn't have the right feel to it. For this story, I need to preserve the dark tone while still having Leah 'recover' because like I said, this is meant to be a very dark story. I rewrote the chapter numerous times, finding it hard to portray Leah's mixed emotions. She needs to get better for her baby and a small part of her wants to get better as well, but she isn't quite ready to let go of the anger, sadness, and pain she feels since Jacob raped her. Here goes nothing…**

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Leah waited in the kitchen for everyone to arrive. Earlier this morning, when Seth had said there would be a pack meeting tonight, instead of the one she wanted tomorrow night, she had almost phased. Things had only gotten worse at the bank where she'd had to argue with a supervisor about getting into her trust fund. Who the fuck did those people think they were? Her father had left the money in her name; they couldn't stop her from taking it. Douche bags.

Her head snapped up when she heard voices in the yard. They were here. Time to put on the game face. She couldn't let them know. They would never understand. How could they? They had never felt the searing pain that constantly throbbed in her chest, threatening to consume her. For so long she had depended on Jacob. He had been her rock. The person to bring her back from the brink of death, to make her smile again. Then he had betrayed her and left. And she would give anything to talk to him again. To feel him in her arms. Even after what he had done to her, she still missed him _so _much. It was ripping her apart.

She had thought she knew what is what like to be truly alone before. Oh, she had been so wrong. Now, she could honestly say she was alone. When it her pain had been from Sam and Emily's impending marriage, she had been able to vent to her mother, who understood it. But now? Hell no, her mother would not understand. How do you explain the constant ache and longing you feel for a man who had done nothing but hurt you? And yet Leah felt it. The vicious pull that tugged her towards Jacob. It wasn't an imprint, but a yearning to be with the person who had been her salvation.

And now the person that could very well cause her death. She knew she had a baby to think of now. She knew it was selfish and cruel, but Leah seriously wanted to die. She wanted to get away and be free from the pain in her chest, the restlessness in her mind. She wanted to stop feeling like she had no control over what happened to her. No more of this constant feeling of dread and having to hold herself together.

But she was Leah Clearwater. Born to hurt. She walked outside and greeted everyone with a small smile. It felt more like a grimace. "Hi, guys."

"Leah!"

"Hey, she-wolf!"

"How's it going, Leah?"

"So nice to see you Leah." The last came from Emily. Of course, Sam would rub salt into the wounds by bringing her here.

She couldn't bite back the comment that rose up. "Can't say the same about you." Emily's face crumpled. She didn't care. She was numb right now. The pain in her chest was the only thing she felt, constantly searing. She focused on it, held it close to her. She used it as a defense against everything.

"Leah…" Sam growled threateningly, putting a hand on her shoulder.

She shook him off. "Sam…" She mocked, giving him a snide grin before stalking away to speak with more civilized company.

"Damn, Leah. Looks like you got some of your fire back." Paul commented.

"And it seems you retained your lovely ability to state the obvious. Anything else you'd like to point out. Perhaps the fact that the sky is blue, or the grass green?" She knew how to do this, how to play the bitch. It was easy, comfortable, and something she could continue doing for hours. Oh, she couldn't wait until they sat down for the official pack meeting.

She glanced around at everyone as they shuffled into the house. Most of the boys immediately went for the food, but Seth and Sam hung back with Emily not far from them. They were speaking in hushed voices. Seth seemed irritated with whatever Sam was saying. Leah snorted. Shocker. Everything Sam did irritated _someone._ Usually her. It was refreshing to see someone else pissed at that shit eating wannabe Alpha, especially when it was her normally ball-less little brother.

She strode over, fixing them all with an icy stare. "And what are we talking about that requires such secrecy?"

"Damn it, Leah. Cut that 'I'm such a bitch' act. It's annoying and pointless. You think it's keeping you safe? You think we all can't see that you're just hiding behind it." Sam said, looking her dead in the eye. "They might not be able to, but I can. I see you're scared. I see you're hurting. Stop trying to mask it."

"You listen to me, Sam Uley. You know _nothing_ about me. Absolutely _nothing_! So stop trying to pretend that, oh, you're so special. You're the only one who sees the real me. Just fucking stop." She was itching to slap him. He must have noticed her hands, which were balled into fists, ready to strike because he took a step back. "You understand _nothing._ You are _nothing._ Now sit your sorry ass down, eat some effing food and stop trying to pressure my brother into being your errand boy!"

He had gone pale. With out a word, he turned on his heel and started to load up his plate. It took her a moment to remember that she was Alpha and he couldn't defy a direct order from her. Emily stared at her fearfully for a moment before following Sam to the food like a good little imprint.

She pinched the bridge of her nose. "Seth."

"Look, Leah, just don't. Okay? Don't. I really don't want a lecture right now." He left, leaving her alone in the corner. Everyone was staring at her with odd expressions.

"What?" She snarled at them.

"Nothing. Its just awesome to see Sam ordered around like a pussy-whipped bitch." Quil grinned at her and she couldn't help the little smirk that pulled at her lips.

"Well, you know what they say. You are what you eat." Embry raised an eyebrow.

"You basically just called him straight, Leah." She laughed,

"Oh no, I didn't mean pussy. I meant the bitch." It was a low blow, directed straight at Emily. And Leah loved it. Smiling at her slut of a cousin, she waltzed over and helped herself to the wonderful array of foods. She was feeding for two, after all. She laid a hand on her stomach, wishing she could feel life moving there. It was still too early for that, though. She didn't care who the father of this baby was, it was hers. A perfect little part of her that she would cherish. Even if it meant remembering Jacob every time she looked in her child's face. Jacob…

Shaking her head and blinking profusely to clear the tears from her eyes, she called the pack to attention.

"Alright, listen up morons!" They immediately snapped to attention, glaring at her for the use of 'morons', specifically when they had to obey. "I'm Alpha. You're my pack. Things are going to go the same way they did before. Regular patrols and all that. And no taking orders from Sam, no matter how much he threatens you."

"Well thank god for that," Jared muttered, confusing Leah for a moment. But then she thought, eh, what the hell? Sam was such a dick; she was surprised anyone had put up with his shit for this long.

She continued, "I'm not going to be phasing, since I'm pregnant." Emily gave her an envious look, "I'll also be finding myself a house and a job. I'll probably have a spare room for anyone who wants to stay over, but don't think you'll be living there, eating my food, and shitting in my toilet. Cause there will be none of that whatsoever. Oh, and one more thing. Sam, Emily is not a part of this pack-"

"But she's my imprint." He protested, putting his arm around Emily possessively.

"And that's my chair you've got you're filthy ass in. Your point? She's not a pack member. So she does not need to be present at these meetings. Next time you bring her, I won't hesitate to throw you both out, okay?" He nodded, clearly furious. What the hell did she care? He was just another pack member now. "Now all of you, clean this mess up."

Where are you going?" Seth said, jumping up to follow her.

"Chill out little bro, I'm just going for a walk. Fresh air, exercise and all that?" Leah smiled reassuringly. Despite all her bitchiness and the mean façade she was holding in place, she still had a soft spot for her little Sethie. "I'll be fine."

He nodded, giving her and uneasy smile.

Leah had no idea where she was going. She just wanted to walk, to have a moment to herself where she didn't have to act and be fake. Where she didn't have to hide the hurt. Everyone in the pack somehow reminded her of Jacob. Same skin tone, same body build, same deep voice, anything could trigger the fierce longing. A longing she could never, ever give in to. He would hurt her again, she knew. But oh, how she missed him! It made her want to cry, but suddenly, the tears wouldn't come. The pain in her chest intensified and she screamed at herself to cry, to let it out. She wouldn't. No matter how hard she tried, the tears wouldn't come. Her eyes stayed dry, her head and chest ached, and her whole body felt heavy. She dropped to the ground, hugging her knees and moaning softly. Why did it have to hurt so badly? Her breath came in short gasps, even though her chest was heaving with the effort to breathe. The world spun. She tried to suck in a deep breath, but nothing happened. Her lungs screamed for air. Her head began to pound with the effort to understand. Why couldn't she get any air to her lungs? Purple and black spots began to pop up in her eyes and her ears rang.

Water splashed up around her, shocking her back to life. Eyes wide, she glanced around. She was on the beach. It was getting late and there was ocean water washing up around her. Another particularly strong wave broke, spraying her with salty liquid. Blinking to clear the last of the spots from her eyes, she stood up. The beach was so beautiful at night. So calming. Sighing, she waded further in, letting the waves crash around her. Standing in the water, with the soothing sound of the waves crashing around her and her eyes closed, she felt like for a moment, just a moment, she could pretend she was okay and she wasn't alone. But only for a moment.

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**Oh, Leah. You poor girl. Is it weird that I love writing stories like this? I guess its because I can relate to the pain and the panic attacks and the feeling of being totally alone. Its funny how much you could learn about a person in their writing because everyone puts something of himself or herself into it. For me, it's the depression and pain. It's like therapy for me. REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW…. please? -**

**Seleen.**


	9. A Phone Call From the Devil

**Thank you so much to everyone who read, review, or favorited this story! It really means a lot to mean, so keep the reviews coming!**

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Leah rolled over in her bed and stared out the window. It was 6:30 in morning and the suns rays were just barely touching the horizon. The early hour meant nothing to her; she wouldn't be sleeping anymore after the dream. She was sick of these dreams, of constantly seeing, feeling, hearing her own rape over and over again. Wiping the cold sweat from her brow, she rose and walked out of the room, folding a hand protectively over her stomach.

Over the past week since the pack meeting, she had developed a sort of routine. Every morning she would wake up early, drenched in a cold sweat. After staring blankly at the wall, waiting for the tremors to pass, she'd go for a walk on the beach until the sun was finally up, albeit hidden behind the constant cover of clouds. Leah knew she was avoiding everyone, but she had no desire to see any of them. It was time she got out of her mother's house. At least with her own house, she'd be able to have some privacy. She smirked, thinking of all the problems she'd avoided with Sam simply by using the Alpha command. He was constantly goading her, trying to give the council a reason to revoke her position. He'd picked a fight over everything and anything, whether it be patrol schedules, or her refusal to speak to Emily, he had to fight about it. She simply ordered him to shut up.

When she reached the beach, she could immediately tell it would be a stormy day. The waves were violently crashes against the beach, but the sound was so soothing to her. It had been since the night she'd had her first panic attack at the beach. She had had four since then. The only person who knew, oddly enough, was Paul. He'd found her that night. Carried her back to her house, laid her in her bed, and never mentioned it again.

She marveled at the beauty of her home. Leah loved La Push. She loved the gray beaches, the cloudy skies, the thick, green forests, and the way the sun's rays hit the water. At this time of day, she was alone on the beach. So when the sun finally rose fully, it was only Leah who saw the beauty of it from this exact spot. Her mouth curved up in a half smile. So beautifully enchanting.

"You feel that, don't you? The wonderful warmth of the first morning light." She whispered, stroking a hand over her stomach, which had begun to swell. It was barely noticeable. But she knew it was there. She was between 3 and 4 months along. A thought occurred to her. Was her showing like this normal? Her morning sickness should start at some point, right?

It was official. Leah Clearwater knew nothing about having a baby.

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Two hours later, Leah stood outside the La Push Library. Taking a deep breath, she opened the door and walked in, letting out sigh of relief when the cool air hit her. She was excited. She would have a fall baby. She was nervous. She had no idea what she was doing. She supposed she could have talked to her mother, but she wanted to do this herself, to have a shred of independence after everything that had happened to her. And she really didn't feel like enduring her mother's sympathy.

The library had the musty, book smell that she loved. She hadn't even realized how much she missed reading until she walked in the library. There were two women sitting behind the desk. A kindly old lady and a spunky looking girl. The girl was whispering to the elderly lady with a knowing grin.

"Hello there! Is there anything I can help you with?" Her ID said Kimberly Rona, the owner of the library.

"Umm hi, I'm looking for books on pregnancy-"

"Oh I just knew it!" She quirky girl cut in, "You have the whole glow about you! God knows, I've seen it a million times before, what with the daycare and the five younger siblings and all!"

Leah smiled at her uneasily. The girl's crimson hair was pulled up in a side ponytail, with a large purple flower in it, matching the jean shorts and purple tube top she wore. Her nametag declared her to be Arya Kinsley.

"Oh Arya, you're always so outgoing. Now, please show this lovely young lady to our Family & Development section. Remember to maintain eye-contact and answer all her questions," Mrs. Rona smiled endearingly at Arya, nodding her encouragement.

"Oh, sure, right this way." Leah followed Arya to a section filled with books that had families, pregnant mothers, and happy looking couples on the front. "Now what is it exactly that you need to know?"

"Well…everything." She told Arya lamely. The girl made no comment, instead moving forward to start pulling books off the shelves.

"Now normally, we have strict three-books-at-a-time policy, but I'm sure Kim will make an exception for you. There's a lot you need to know." The way she spoke was so matter-of-fact that it comforted Leah. "I have tons of experience with pregnancy and kids. My mom ran a daycare before she died and I've raised my five younger sibling with my older brother, Cameron. It goes Cam, then me, then Chase, then the twins, Ally and Annie, Chris, and the final addition who obviously broke the A and C tradition, Emma. She's only two and probably my favorite, just cause she hardly talks. Ally and Annie, they're ten, are total double-trouble, always up to something new. Then Chase and Chris, well, they're interesting. Chase is fourteen, a total jock and hardcore body-builder. It's almost funny to watch him work out. Chris is eight and looks up to Chase. Wants to be just like him. But he's a little genius, definitely meant to go to Harvard for law or something whereas Chase will have a football scholarship. They may not be mine, but they're my pride and joy. Oh god, I'm rambling, aren't I? I'm so sorry, Mrs. K is going to skin me alive."

Leah couldn't help herself. She burst out laughing. This girl was so hyper, so out there. She loved it. "Thank you." She choked out between laughs. "I haven't really laughed in a while."

Arya's distress vanished, replaced by a bright smile. "Glad I could help. Now, tell me, who's the lucky guy?"

Leah's laughter died, replaced by a more somber expression. "Oh…well… um actually…"

"Say no more. I totally understand." She turned back to the shelves, pulling more books down. She was mumbling under breath. "Lets see. _Babies for Dummies… Everything You Never Wanted to Know About Pregnancy… First Time Mommies… Your Body, Your Baby… Coping With Your Pregnancy…_ That should cover it for now." She led her back to the check out counter, scanning the books and adding them to the account Leah had had since she was twelve.

"You're all set." She smiled handing her the stack of books.

"One more thing…Do you have papers here? I'm kind of looking for a job and a house, you see." Leah looked at her feet. Sure, facing down vicious vampires, no problem. But dealing with real life? Hell-fucking-no. She wanted to cry. Swallowing her discomfort, she looked held her head high.

"Would you like a job here?" Mrs. Rona's offer shocked her.

"What? No. I wouldn't want to like, get in Arya's way or anything." She declined with jerky shakes of her head.

"No. You don't understand. Mrs. K and me have been swamped. All those kids, needing book after book. We're understaffed. Please, for all you find holy, take the damn job!" Arya pleaded.

"Well, I suppose I could…"

"Great!" She exclaimed happily while Mrs. Rona smiled pleasantly. "You start tomorrow, so be here by three. And, OH! As for your house? Yeah I know a ton of them. I've been looking to move myself. We simply don't have the space for all of us in our four-bedroom house. We can totally go house hunting together!"

The expression on her face was so hopeful, Leah couldn't say no.

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So that was how Leah found herself sitting in her room, reading pregnancy books and completely unable to focus. She was thinking about how her first day at work would go and the house hunting with Arya would be. Arya needed a huge house, big enough for eight people. Averaging it out, Leah figured she would need at least six rooms, assuming that Chase and Chris would share one room and the twins would share another.

Leah would need a three-bedroom house, with a private and yet large setting, considering whom she normally spent her time with. She couldn't exactly have people seeing the pack phasing on her front lawn.

Basically, they would be driving all over the place, looking for completely different houses. After talking about it on the phone for a few hours, they'd come to the decision that they would meet at 8:30 at Leah's mother's house and from then till midday, they would look for Arya's house. Then they'd hunt for Leah's house until 3:00, which is when they both had work. She sighed, tangling a hand in her hair. Everything was just so confusing. She was shocked with the perfection of her morning and scared for when shit would hit the fan. She knew it was. It always did when life seemed to be looking up for her.

Someone pounded obnoxiously on her bedroom door.

"Yeah?" She called out, hoping it wasn't her mother. It wasn't. Seth walked in with an apologetic smile on his face.

"Sam needs to talk to you." Leah groaned, closing the book she was reading. Seth snorted when he saw the title. "_Babies for Dummies? _Really Lee? That's almost funny. You could just talk to mom. I'm sure she'd be happy to tell you everything you needed to know, and then some."

They stared at each other for a second before bursting out in laughter. "Good one Sethie," She said, smacking him on the back of the head as she walked by.

Taking a deep breath, she walked into the living room where Sam sat with is hands in his lap. His expression was grave. "What is it that you want, Sammy-Ol'-Boy?"

"I have something to tell you and I need you to promise me you'll stay calm." Leah nodded, but made no spoken promises. "Jacob called."

Her heart stopped. Her head pounded. Her breath came in short gasps. Doubling over, Leah moaned, clutching her chest. Vaguely, in the back of her mind, she heard Sam yelling, felt him catch her as she hit the ground. She coughed and inhaled as hard as she could, trying to get some oxygen in her lungs. Someone was screaming. Her? No. You needed to breathe to scream and Leah most definitely could not breathe. Dying. She was dying. And Jacob, he had called! What had he said? Had he asked about her? Did her regret raping her?

_Rape._

_Rape._

_Rape._

_Rape._

It echoed in her head, making it pound harder. He wouldn't ask about her, because he didn't care. He had raped her, knocked her up, and left her to die. Someone was holding her and calling her name.

_NO! Get off of me! Don't touch me! Oh god, please just don't touch me! Not again! Jacob you can't do this to me again! Letgoletgoletgoletgo! Please let go. I can't take it, I can't! It'll kill me! AHHH!_

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Seth watched in horror as his sister broke down. The second Sam had said Jacob had called; Leah had collapsed, moaning, screaming, and gasping for breath. She was shaking, clutching at her chest, tearing at her hair, and shrieking as tears streamed down her pale face.

Then she started begging. Screaming for him to let her go, telling Jacob he couldn't hurt her again.

"Dear god. She thinks its Jacob again." Sam breathed, struggling to hold her down.

"Leah! Leah calm down, its me, Seth you're going to be okay!" He screamed at her, taking her hand. The second he touched her she cried out, smacking at him wildly.

"No! Don't! Don't do it, don't touch me! I don't want this!" She trailed off, screaming incoherently.

"What do we do?" Seth yelled over her.

"Nothing. We have to wait for her to calm down. Go run a warm bath." Sam commanded, then realized they had all be ordered not to listen to any orders he gave. "Please?"

Seth nodded; the Alpha order had been worked around. He ran up the step, running the warm tap and adding Leah's favorite bubble bath.

When he went back downstairs, Leah was mumbling and shaking.

"Loved you…didn't want this…can't move…Hurts…Fixed me…don't break me…don't be like him…Don't go…" She was making hiccupping noises and tears were still sliding down her face, leaving salty, wet trails. Sam moved as though to carry her upstairs, but stopped when he saw Seth's glare. Sam may be helping, but he would not see his sister in the bath, with a wet, white tank top on.

"I'll take her." He said, lifting her easily and carrying her upstairs. When she hit the water, her eyes snapped open, and then drooped lazily.

"Sethie?" She questioned, looking up at him from behind heavy-lidded eyes. Her head lolled to the side with her hair covering half of it.

"Yeah, Lee, its me." He murmured, brushing the hair out her face. "Don't worry. You're safe. Don't worry."

He grabbed a bunch of thick towels, cocooning her in them. He carried her out to her room and laid her on her bed. Leah lay there shuddering for a few minutes before finally falling asleep.

"Back downstairs, Sam was sitting on the couch, watching the deep scratches she had given him heal. "I hope she fought him. I hope she broke his bones."

Seth sat down on the chair, looking down at his hands.

"Why the hell didn't you tell me?" Seth finally exploded. "You knew it would hurt her, how unstable she is. Why the fuck didn't you tell me? Or did you really think she wanted to hear that news from you?"

Sam actually looked ashamed. It calmed Seth a bit. "I know. I'm sorry; it was stupid. I wasn't thinking."

He sighed. "What did Jacob say?"

"He asked how things were going here. I told him everything was great. I didn't want to give him a reason to come back." Sam started to shake.

"And then?" Seth prodded gently.

"Then that fucker had the balls to ask about Leah. I lost it then. Screamed at him for a few minutes before I crushed the phone. Told him he was the sorriest son of a bitch I'd ever met and he would never be welcome here again."

"It makes me sick. Thinking of how I used to look up to him. Wanted to be just like him." Seth laughed bitterly, "Now I want to kill that bastard."

"Wouldn't we all." Sam said, nodding in agreement.

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**So pretty eventful chapter. Why did Jacob call? How will Leah's house hunting and job go after she has had a breakdown? And of course, the reappearance of Jacob is coming up. I know exactly how I want to end this story, right down to the song I'll be using as an ending :D As for what will happen in between now and then, who knows? Ideas anyone? Thank you so much again to all the wonderful reviewers, readers, and people who added the story, or me to their favorite's list. It really does means so much to me and just makes my day! **

Sneak Peek for the next chapter:

Embry's eyes widened. This girl, right here in front of him, was the one. He felt pulled toward her, like she was the only thing that could make life worth living. Warmth spread through out his body and he smiled.

"Oh shit." Jared whispered, "Leah? You might want to get in here."


	10. In Honor of 911

In honor of the ten-year anniversary of 9/11, I would to ask that everyone who reads this take a moment to remember those who were killed on that terrible day.

For those of you who don't know, ten years ago on this day, terrorists hijacked planes and sent them towards important buildings in America. One, towards the Pentagon, hit its intended target. Another, headed towards the U.S. capitol in D.C., crashed in a field before reaching its destination because of the brave actions of the passengers on the plane. It is known as Flight 93: The Flight That Fought Back. Two others crashed into the Twin Towers, killing thousands.

I was four years old when this terrible event occurred. I had been at the park with my grandfather in New Jersey, close to New York, when the smoke started rising. The destruction was so great that you could see the smoke billowing from miles away. I had an uncle who worked in the World Trade Center. He made it out. He was lucky, while others were not.

To everyone out there that had a family member or friend who died in the attack, please know that we are with you, remembering the tragic murder of so many.

And let us all hope that today, on the ten-year anniversary, we are safe. Washington D.C. and NYC are on high alert, ready for anything to happen. Let's hope nothing does.

Seleen.


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